


Suckers

by telm_393



Category: Trial and Error (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Humor, Recreational Drug Use, Season/Series 02, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telm_393/pseuds/telm_393
Summary: Josh calls Carol Anne right around midnight, and they have what passes for a heart to heart when one half of the conversation’s high as a kite.





	Suckers

**Author's Note:**

> This is the smallest fandom I've ever written for, and will anyone ever see this? I don't know, but I love this show and wanted to get a feel for the characters and post something before the end of the season (though hopefully not the series). I was also deeply disappointed that Josh didn't get the chance to smoke drugs in-universe, unless something beautiful happens in the last two episodes, so I wrote it instead!

Carol Anne is a little surprised when Josh calls her. Not because he never calls her, he does, it’s just thathe’s usually more predictable than ringing her at nearly midnight.

She picks up her phone to reject the call, but, for some godforsaken reason, finds herself hesitating.

Maybe it’s important. It’s not that she’d care if it were important, because she’s pregnant and pretty much in labor, nothing is more important than that at this point in time, but lately Josh has been what he might call overstressed and she might call batshit, and it’s making her feel uneasy.

Besides, it’s impossible to sleep like this, so she’s just watching old episodes of British soap operas on cable, and Josh is way more entertaining than a soap opera, so she answers the phone. “What?”

“Carol Anne Keane,” she hears from the other end. Josh has all the air of a man about to make an announcement, and he doesn’t disappoint. “I am high. On...marijuanas.”

Oh boy. “Why?” she asks in a flat voice, because she has never smoked a marijuana in her life and would never start now.

“Because I’m cool,” Josh says. “I am just as cool as Dr. Rock ‘n Law, if not cooler!”

Of course. “Where did you even find drugs?”

“Anne and Dwayne,” he says unsurprisingly. “They left some here, and I saw them, and I was like, live a little, right? Be cool! Not that I’m not already totally cool, I’m cool, I’m a cucum...bro... _that’s_ not a word. But it should be.”

“No.”

“You’re right. But I looked up how to do a drugs on the internet, and I did it! I did the drugs. A lot of the drugs. There was paraphernalia and everything and I watched a YouTube tutorial on how to do it, and also one on how to embalm a dead naked mole rat, just in case. And then I watched some videos of people mowing the lawn and, just...there’s art there, in the everyday things.” Josh waits a beat, possibly for her to answer. She has nothing to say to any of that, so he just lowers his voice and whispers, conspiratorially, “I think I got the animals high too. I hope it just relaxes them. You know, they’re freaking out. The bear was recently wounded. Hopefully the drugs will help with the pain.”

“Are you sure you’re not the one freaking out?” Carol Anne asks. She knows the answer, obviously, but she’s willing to continue this conversation, mostly because it’s a little hilarious and she’ll be able to use it against Josh for probably the rest of time.

“No!” Josh says very loudly. “I! Am! Not! I’m not, like, staying awake at night enumerating my failures and ruminating on the mistakes I’ve made in life and wishing for my inevitable staking. That would be weird. I’m not weird.”

Josh is very weird, but Carol Anne’s going to break the news to him when he’s sober, just because it’ll be funnier and it’ll give her a good opening to tell him all about tonight in excruciating detail. Right now, though, Josh’s voice sounds suspiciously watery, and Carol Anne is not interested in sharing the line with a crying man. “You’re not going to get tied to a stake or lit on fire or thrown into Peck Canyon,” Carol Anne says. “And definitely not all three. If anyone tries, I’ll stop 'em. Hell, I'll put the fear of God in 'em.”

“Aw! That’s so sweet that you care about my continued existence, Carol Anne Keane.”

Carol Anne is about as sweet as acid, but she lets it go. “You know, if we get married you’ll have to stop calling me all three of my names all the time. Folks'll ask questions.”

There is dead silence, and Carol Anne can feel her eyes go wide. God, she hopes Josh doesn’t remember this in the morning. Does marijuana make you black out? Please let marijuana make you black out.

(Look, in her defense: out of all the men she’s ever met, Josh would be the best father and the best husband. She’s seen his house, he’d do all the cooking and cleaning for sure, the only negative would be his truly baffling taste in interior design.)

“I assumed we’d hyphenate,” Josh says.

“We don’t do that PC crap here,” Carol Anne says.

“Well, I like your name! All three parts of it! I like saying it because it's yours and I like you! So much.”

Oh, there’s the untethered emotion that makes her feel uncomfortably charmed. “Tether that shit,” she snaps, but Josh has no idea what she’s talking about, which she must admit is fair enough, as she gave him no context and if there’s something Josh isn’t it’s a mind reader.

“What? What am I tethering? There’s nothing to tether here!” A gasp of horror. “Carol Anne, the bear just looked at me!”

Carol Anne sighs and, unable to help herself, points out the obvious. “You probably just looked at the bear.”

“...Huh. That’s a genuine possibility, I’ll put it in the murder book.”

Carol Anne does not ask.

“I’m tired,” Josh says suddenly. “That’s amazing. I mean, not that I’m tired, I’m tired all the time from the weight of the world and all the information I constantly have to process that I can never seem to keep up with and the lives that are at stake—ha!—here, so that’s not the amazing part, the amazing part is that the implication that my body is giving me is that I am going to be able to sleep. Do you know how impossible it’s been for me to sleep lately? I’ll tell you, _so_ impossible.”

Carol Anne does not mention that he was knocked out for about an hour with her in a courtroom not long ago. She is sure that neither of them want to think about it. “So go to sleep, Josh.”

“Do you think I should become a drug addict?” Josh asks suddenly. “This is fun. I feel relaxed. Sort of.”

“Marijuana is a gateway drug,” she says.

“Objection, that is not an answer.”

“The answer is no, Josh, you should not become a drug addict.”

“You’re right,” Josh says, sighing heavily.

“Go. To. Sleep.” She’s starting to get tired too, and she swears to God that if he doesn’t pass out soon she’s just going to hang up, and then she’d probably feel bad or something, because hormones are a joke.

“You’re right,” Josh says again. “Sleep hygiene is important.” A beat. “Stay in school. I won’t say it again.”

“I’ll think about it. Good night, Josh.”

“Good night, Carol Anne,” he says brightly, and then he lowers his voice to a whisper. “Good niiiiight, maybe-my-baby,” he says. “I’m going to tell you a secret, but make sure not to tell your mommy. Do you understand?” he asks, and Carol Anne practically holds her breath. “Thank you for your understanding. Okay. Here goes. It’s about your mother.” Josh takes a deep breath, and Carol Anne rolls her eyes to the ceiling and asks God for patience with this stupid, stupid man. She’s so busy with that that she almost misses Josh saying, in the lowest voice possible, “I'm a little in love with her.”

Before Carol Anne can even take in the words, she’s alone again in her quiet little house.

Well, not alone.

She puts her hands on her stomach, and the baby kicks.

_I'm a little in love with her._

“Maybe," she admits to her almost-daughter, "I'm a little in love back."

...But just a little bit.

**Author's Note:**

> Also, I'm serendipitouscontaminant on Tumblr! Come talk to me about T&E!


End file.
